I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
