So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I want to make a zoo with you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
