remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
