To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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