I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
