I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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