His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
