I am spending my child support on dildos
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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