I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
