I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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