he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
