nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
