I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
