loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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