just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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