one might say we're banned from that church
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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