I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
