yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
