They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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