I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
