I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
