I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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