Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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