Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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