This girl is more easily done than said...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
