dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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