...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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