is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
