I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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