I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
