Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
