i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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