About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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