My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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