she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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