I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.