I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
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Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?