Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN