I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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