She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
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I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES