I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
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I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers