They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
