D3 body, D1 cock
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
