Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
