But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
