Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize