she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
