Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
