Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
