Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need a beard to bite.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
