Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
