Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
