Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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