Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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