i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
