Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
