this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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