Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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