i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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