White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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