You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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