guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
