I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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