you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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