i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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