How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
