She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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