I'll bet she douches with gravy.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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