I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
