I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
