real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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