I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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