Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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