dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
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we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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