I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
