Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize