Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
