i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
