I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
