ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
