I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
